Time!

Time!

Does it really heal all wounds. No! There are gray areas. 

It only heals the wounds that we can work through in our minds and hearts. 

If you simple just put it away, the same feeling will be there waiting for you.

Time along with applied thought and open minded understanding can heal all wounds.

And in some instances, time to just think before you speak can give you the strength or advantage you need to triumph in any circumstance.

Time if a gift. 

It's how you use it that counts.

Lee

The Struggle

I believe I will win this fight. 

And all of my dreams will soon be my reality.

And that's my thought process most of the time. 

But I have been struggling to overcome an unyielding foe, that will not let go.

No matter what I have tried. And no matter how far I have gone.

Like any battle you learn from the past to adjust your plan and keep going.

You only really lose when you quit.

But do you lose or just delay the game. 

When you stand on the sidelines and can't make yourself get into the action your not losing but your not winning either.

Enough with the sports references. 

I feel like I have been on hold and I cannot muster the strength to get back in.

Have I lost my drive.. my inspiration to fight?

And if I have, where is it? 

Because I need to finish this journey... NOW! 

And that is my struggle.

I have all I need to launch one more battle in the war.

And I know I will eventually win as long as I don't give up.

But doubt, that evil foe, doubt is my struggle.

I must fight past the doubt and try anyway.

I will stay strong.

I will fight on.

As soon as I get off the sidelines.

As long as I don't give up there is always hope.

And hope beats struggle any day.... EVERYDAY!

Life: The Understanding

When a relationship comes to an end, no matter how, no matter the relationship, if it's someone that you love, you are left with many emotions.

It's weird. It's just like when someone dies, even if you had time to spend with that person or if you tried to ask every question or touch on every subject, and savor every embrace. When they are gone you still want more.

We say "we miss them", but it's more than that.

Part of you seems to have gone, and yes you can try and replace it with something else, but it will never be the same.

IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME and that is the truth.

There are things you use to do with that person and conversations that only you and that person could have that will never come back.

There are the memories, the cherished memories.  But I think we miss those new moments that will never be. The ones that could have warmed your heart, that bit of advise that always seemed to help you make the right decision came from that person and that person alone.

I didn't cry when my mother died. 

It wasn't until after the funeral.

A month or so after and I was back at work. 

I had just missed a fight at LAX and it was going to be at least a 3 hour layover.

So, I did what I always do.

I got a little something to eat.

And found an electrical outlet near a seat and sat down. I went through my movie selection and found the one to watch. I got out my blue tooth ear piece to make a phone call, sat down a did what I use to do on every layover. 

Started to call my mom to let her know that I was okay and how my latest business trip when.

I even pushed the number and the phone started ringing before I realized what I had done.

I sat there lost for a few minutes. 

If my mom wasn't there to know that I was okay, did anyone care? 

Who would tell me to be careful on the flight? 

Where was she? 

Heaven had to be the place, but I didn't really have the number.  

I started to pray but I really wanted to hear her voice. 

.

.

.

.

I find that even now years later I still cry for my mom.

It's just like the time she left me at Mrs. Hamilton's house for the first time. 

I didn't think she was coming back and I cried hard. 

.

.

The fact that she's not coming back still hurts.

As I try and fail at many different relationships in my life I realize how special that woman was to me. She was part of me and I know that I carry her with me everyday.

My daughter looks more like her than like me. 

I love that.

And as my daughter begins to talk to me more and more I realize that my mother was the personification of love.

And that love lives on in my daughter.

Her eye sparkle with everything my mother ever said to me.

And the wisdom that my mother gave to me, I will pass on to her.

With all of the added experience my mom fought so hard for me to have.

My mom had these kind brown eyes, and some how she could convey so much with just a look.

My daughters eyes are brown.

Life!

I understand.

I look in her brown eyes and I understand

WHERE?

Sometimes your just lost!

Trying to figure out what to do? Where to go? And how to get there?

I struggle with growth and self development.

And at times, I feel stagnant. 

But I know that you have to go through every emotion, try to understand how it got there and how to grow from it. 

The most important thing is to learn to except the truth, no matter how hard or unbelievable it may seem at the time.

Make yourself understand how that emotion or feeling found it's place in your consciousness.

Understand where it came from.

And soon you will know exactly where to go.

Hopefully that realization with take you to a better place... mentally and emotionally.

THAT'S WHERE!

The Time that counts!

The measure of a persons strength can be shown at all times.

Each decision a person makes can tell so much, but the real barometer is taken when times are tense.

Anger is such a easy place to sit back and lash out at what ever the injustice may be. You get caught up in that wave of strength and power that is unleashed by the trigger that set off this storm cloud of emotion.

But the true measure of a man or woman is not the boisterous triad. It's the ability to have the emotion and still have a controlled and salient conversation.

I don't know if I am right, but that feels right.

Because anger never got me anywhere, but measured thought, empathy and respect have.

I am not saying don't have the emotion, but have enough strength to go back and give the positive feedback and love.

And try to do it with the same intensity airing on the side of love that you felt when you displayed anger.

I was talking to a friend and they said to me, how do you remain so positive all the time.

And I said, I don't. I go through the same if not more intense emotions as everyone else.

I just try to finish all of my interactions with others in the spirit of love. The same mood I would like to get back in return.

I don't always get it, but I try.

And in the effort, my dignity and self worth remain intact.

I believe I have found the key!!!!

Your thoughts are powerful things.
Before there are any realities there are thoughts or ideas.
I have a idea that is a belief that just has not come to pass yet.
It is this one positive and enduring state of being that I see for myself that just hasn't materialized.
I believe it will all of my conciousness, but that has not made it happen.
Now, I understand better why it has been so long in coming.
In the sea of thoughts that one has in one given day.... say 60,000.
It there are 59,999 negative thoughts about why this one positive thought will not happen then it get effectively drowned out. It literally swallowed by negativity.
I must fight for that change. I need to surround this lone positive thought with allies.
Now, I am not saying we have 60,000 different thoughts in our heads every day.
A lot of these ideas or thoughts are the same one playing over and over along with the same positive thought struggling to get through, swimming against the current. It's not giving up or giving in just struggling to be.
Be heard, be relevant... be one of the many thoughts that turns into actions and those action turn into change.
I believe that if I change that pool of thought from 80 percent negative to positive.... to a lake of positive over negative the change that I so desperately want will happen.
I know it will.
I believe that I have finnally found the key.
May it open doors for you as well.

The Challenge

I find myself looking for inspiration.

I feed off of it.

I need it.

Sometimes it can be the blue clear sky that let's me know that this life is so precious.

I find thankful thoughts and peace from a clear day. I am at peace in so many ways and that is where the problem lies.

A beautiful day inspire me to ponder, enjoy and be passively thankful.

I need to be motivated to change. I want to grow and accomplish goals.

I feel like I am standing at the door with the key in my hand and just not using it.

I am facing many struggles in life that take my time and attention away from a journey that I need to finish.

I need something to inspire me to push forward.. to reach out.. and continue.

I am not afraid to ask the universe for some direction.

I will go through the door at some point.

The only problem is... it's not so bad on this side of the door either.

So, the challenge I find myself faced with is... I need a reason. One big enough to ignite the passion and inspire that change.

NOW!!!!