It was one of the most fun experiences that I have had in Los Angeles.
I am very thankful and fortunate. I get to travel to Hollywood and interview stars on a regular basis for my job. It's very cool, but this trip was special.
I am part of the critics association and as a member you get ticket to the awards. I thought my seats would be in the back and I would get to see some of the stars from a distance.
No!!! I couldn't be more wrong.
I was sitting at table 7. It was the Avatar table. Yes, James Cameron and his wife along with the producer and his wife, the head of the studio, a VP from the digital effects company that helped make the movie and me with my sister as my date.
It was great.
Nick Jonas from the Jonas Brothers was the house band. I was four seats off the stage.
Wow!! I was shocked.
Anyway, "IT" didn't come up.
You know... that uneasy feeling that I get when I know people may not shake my hand because it's a different color than my face. Or the pause I take before I gage the reaction of people to my make up as it starts to come off during a long day. I am encouraged because those fleeting moments of sadness are truly just moments and not minutes or hours or days for that matter.
I have come a long way, and this disease has changed.
It has gotten much worse, but I got better.
Much better at handling the inner struggle.
I don't harbor any ones negative projections or sentiments.
I let them go as quickly as they come.
Plus, I have trained my mind and heart to let go and not judge.
It has given me strength. The inner strength to continue living a full and happy life and to continue letting go with out judgement.
As I shook James Cameron's hand congratulating him on his multiple wins,
I felt like, "THE KING OF THE WORLD!!!"
Not because I was next to such a great man and I am not trying to take anything away from his many accomplishments. But I was the conquering king of my inner struggle.
Everyday I wage emotional war with this disease.
And on the night of the Critic's Choice Movie Awards at the Palladium Theater on Sunset in Hollywood I won one battle.
Even if the struggle continues, I know that I am equipped with the mental ammunition to fight and win. Because I know that I will never give in.
I have so much whitening lately, I can hardly keep up with the new spots. Yet, as you pointed out, saying it out loud, gives me strength, and for that I am grateful.
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